In December of last year, celebrating the New Year on the 1st of January felt so wrong to me; even though I live in possibly one of the hottest places on this planet, there is a certain chill to this time of year, and so much draws to a close. Only now, as spring arrives, do I feel the hope of new beginnings and new lives.
I first encountered A Field Guide to Getting Lost exactly one year ago today; though I was very drawn to it, for reasons that are only clear to me now in retrospect, I didn’t pick it up then but only at the end of 2023. I almost solely choose the books I read intuitively now and I’m glad I listened to myself when I felt this one calling to me two weeks ago, when the prospect of being lost felt more exciting than terrifying to me.
The state of being lost is almost always negatively connoted, as if it were antithetical to some place we “should” be, a liminal state of being that we strive to escape as soon as possible to reach the refuge of our “destination”. Though each place we choose to arrive and spend time at is important in its own way, we can’t overlook the importance of its counterpart, being out of place, in the process of knowing and growing one’s self. Howard Cunnell’s phrase ‘movement as the means of self-transformation’ about Kerouac’s On the Road comes to mind.
Movement being the opposite of stagnation, for in stagnation we may become idle and lose perspective, whereas, as Solnit outlines, ‘to be lost is to be fully present, and to be fully present is to be capable of being in uncertainty and mystery.’ I realised the last time I felt this way was two and a half years ago, and it was in these feelings of uncertainty of the path in front of me and unexplored potential that this page came to be. Though it was a very scary time in my life, it was the most I’ve ever felt connected to myself and to others, whether it was the individuals whose stories I was engaging with or other like-minded people in this space going through similar things. I regret that, until now, I haven’t had that same feeling for a while.
I am so grateful for the many things that it’s taught me; that in that space of potential you find inspiration and creativity, you learn things about yourself that you wouldn’t have otherwise, and discover you’re capable of things you never dreamed you could do. As Solnit reminds us, the key to survival is knowing you’re lost. I recently looked back on the piece I wrote to honour my 100th post, and I still hold the same sentiment now that I did then; I’m ready :)
love this, Anushé. sometimes lost is also where we need to be :)